This is just how I’ve always reacted
It’s something we often hear in therapy, especially from clients who feel stuck in patterns of emotional overwhelm or shutdown.
But here’s the myth:
Stress responses are fixed traits
And the truth?
They’re not.
They’re learned, adaptive patterns—often shaped through early attachment experiences—and they can be reconditioned.
When a child grows up with emotionally attuned, available caregivers, they internalise a template for co-regulation. They learn how to manage big emotions because someone helped them do it first.
But when that’s missing, the nervous system develops its own survival strategies—fight, flight, freeze—on high alert or shutting down completely. These become deeply embedded affect regulation patterns, carried well into adulthood.
🧠 As therapists, we know this isn’t just behavioural—it’s neurobiological. Dysregulation becomes the norm when secure attachment isn’t there to buffer stress.
The powerful part?
Therapy can provide a reparative relational experience.
The therapeutic relationship can become a space where co-regulation is learned, internalised, and repeated. Over time, clients begin to develop new, more secure internal working models—not just in thought, but in how their bodies respond to stress.
Those moments when a client breathes through a trigger, stays connected during rupture, or reflects rather than reacts?
That’s Affect regulation being rewired in real time.
So no—stress responses aren’t set in stone.
They’re shaped in relationships.
And they can be reshaped in one, too.
Want to learn more about Affect Regulation and how this can augment your clinical practice?
