Working with Avoidant Attachment in the Therapy Room
Tutor: Georgina Sturmer

In this workshop, Georgina Sturmer explores how avoidant attachment can show up in individual therapy, from the very first enquiry through to the developing therapeutic relationship.

Georgina frames avoidant attachment as a protective strategy rather than a personality trait. She looks at how clients may regulate themselves through distance, self-reliance, intellectualising, humour, minimising or rationalising, and how these defences may have helped them survive shame, intrusion, rejection or disappointment.

A strong focus of the session is on what happens between therapist and client. Georgina invites therapists to notice the countertransference: feelings of flatness, disconnection, tiredness, boredom, inferiority, or the pull to work harder and ask more questions. She also reflects on how the therapist’s own attachment patterns can shape the work, whether by keeping too much distance or trying hard to create closeness.

The workshop also explores practical ways of working with avoidant attachment in a relational and safe way. This includes attunement, respecting defences, holding boundaries clearly, supporting clients to connect with feelings and body sensations, and using metaphor and imagery to explore protective structures such as walls, towers, islands or drawbridges.

Rather than trying to dismantle defences, Georgina encourages a gentle approach: helping clients feel safe enough that they may not need those defences in quite the same way.

Key clinical themes

• Understanding avoidant attachment as a coping strategy, not a flaw
• Noticing avoidance before and during therapy sessions
• Recognising intellectualisation, humour, minimising and rationalising
• Understanding the risk of colluding with avoidant defences
• Using countertransference as a signal in the work
• Reflecting on the therapist’s own attachment responses
• Working gently with distance, vulnerability and dependency
• Using body awareness, metaphor and imagery to support emotional connection
• Exploring the past without blame, pressure or intrusion
• Helping clients loosen defences through safety, not force

This recording is suitable for therapists and counsellors who want to think more deeply about avoidant attachment and how to work with it in the therapy room.