Understanding and Working with Avoidance in Adult Relationships

£9.99

Understanding and Working With Avoidant Attachment in Adult Relationships
Tutor: Georgina Sturmer

In this workshop, Georgina Sturmer explores how avoidant attachment shows up in adult relationships, and how therapists can support clients to understand the patterns that keep them distant from others.

Georgina begins with a clear introduction to attachment as an internal “alarm system”. When life feels stressful, threatening or emotionally exposing, avoidantly attached clients may protect themselves by moving away, becoming self-reliant, shutting down feelings, or keeping others at a distance. On the outside, this can look calm, confident and capable, but underneath there may be fear of rejection, dislike, vulnerability or being overwhelmed by closeness.

The session looks at how avoidant attachment can affect romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, work relationships and the therapeutic relationship itself. Georgina uses the case example of Bob and Sarah to explore the relational “dance” that can happen when one person seeks closeness and the other withdraws. She invites therapists to think about what this dance might feel like for the client, for the other person, and for the therapist in the room.

A strong focus of the workshop is on helping clients slow down and notice what happens in the moment their attachment alarm goes off. Rather than trying to change behaviour straight away, Georgina encourages curiosity about what feels threatening, what the client imagines is being asked of them, and why distance begins to feel like the safest option.

The workshop also explores practical ways of working with avoidant attachment, including attunement, co-regulation, mentalisation, psychoeducation, the Parent-Adult-Child model, inner child work, body awareness and metaphor. Georgina shows how therapists can help clients understand their need for space without using it as an attack, and how they can begin to recognise the emotional cost of always protecting themselves through distance.

Ultimately, this session is about increasing safety rather than forcing vulnerability. When avoidantly attached clients feel safe enough, the dance can begin to change — not because they are pushed into closeness, but because they no longer have to dance alone.

Key clinical themes

• Understanding avoidant attachment as protection
• Attachment as an internal alarm system
• How avoidance shows up in adult relationships
• The link between closeness, alarm and withdrawal
• Working with clients who minimise, intellectualise or use humour
• Using the metaphor of the relational “dance”
• Understanding pursuer-withdrawer dynamics
• Exploring the therapist-client relationship with avoidant clients
• Supporting mentalisation and curiosity about others’ feelings
• Using psychoeducation without encouraging over-intellectualising
• Working with the Parent-Adult-Child model
• Exploring younger parts and inner child work when safety has been built
• Helping clients notice body signals when their alarm goes off
• Increasing safety so vulnerability can become more possible

This recording is suitable for therapists and counsellors who want to understand avoidant attachment in adult relationships and work more confidently with clients who protect themselves through distance, self-reliance and withdrawal.

PLEASE NOTE: The time of the recording has been adapted from a live session and includes time for reflection